An Itchy & Scratchy marathon weekend

Sadly, not a Simpsons-Fest.

But the agony that comes from a body ravaged with itchiness.

Not sure if it's a result of all the fruit I've been eating (could be hives) or from lying flat on my back so often, but I spent two excruciating nights trying to get to sleep (not much joy).

The problem was two-fold.

I needed to lie down to take pressure off my groin wound. But when I did my bum would start itching. But it would only itch when I lay down. So I'd get back up and then my groin would be sore. So I'd lie down again. And then my bum would start itching. And so on and so on and so on.

Nearly lost the plot entirely.

Thankfully, the itchiness has gone.

And the groin's progressing day by day.

Pee

Hanson speak the truth via 'Mmm bop'

You have so many relationships in this life
Only one or two will last
You're going through all the pain and strife
Then you turn your back and they're gone so fast
Oh yeah, and they're gone so fast, yeah

So hold on to the ones who really care
In the end they'll be the only ones there
When you get old and start losing your hair
Can you tell me who will still care?
Can you tell me who will still care?

Mmm bop, ba duba dop
Ba du bop, ba duba dop
Ba du bop, ba duba dop
Ba du, yeah yeah

Mmm bop, ba duba dop
Ba du bop, Ba du dop
Ba du bop, Ba du dop
Ba du, yeah yeah . . .

Who'd have thought the little buggers knew so much?

Pee

PS - Not sure the chorus is translated right. How they could remember it themselves is a bloody mystery.

An addictive painkiller

As I recuperated from groinal stitch-craft 101 this afternoon I caught more episodes of MTV's 'Real World Hollywood' (me's a big fan of this crap pap).

My favourite cast member is Sarah (at left).

Weirdly, I'm sure I saw Carulli when the crew were partying at Tokio.

Is the Cavilli really working at JMW Hell-A?

I'll keep you posted.

Maybe she's had an extreme makeover and has become Sarah?

Hmmmm.

Maybe my painkillers are a little strong?

Pee

A medical-based scribble from me

Pee

It's 50 not out for me

In celebration of my fiftieth posting here's a picture of Mr. Cricket cracking his own half century.

I'll look to post a picture of an excited streaker when I reach the 100 milestone.

Pee

Paying their dues

I've taken it upon myself to try and get the medical professionals treating me to drop their guards and say a swear word or two.

I've had plenty of nibbles as I've nattered in private cubicles (as they've been knackering my privates).

Got my first full bite today when my GP said 'Fuck' three times.

Brilliant.

I told him I'm personally paying for each of his foul utterances with a $1 gold coin (that's $3 I dropped into the box).

When I get $10 in my kitty I'm going to the newsagent to buy a copy of 'Dirty Biker Bitches' and then donate it to the Fertility Centre I visited a few weeks ago.

They're in dire need of updating their spank stimulus.

Anything to keep myself amused.

Pee

Bleep effin bleep bleep . . .

Bleepidy bleep bleep effing bleep.

A cold Wellington day.

A sore groin.

Four numbing injections.

Three stitches to close an open tear.

Effing aye.

What better way to spend a Friday lunchtime?

Might have a wank with a cheese grater tonight for some light relief.

Pee

Five people helping me to keep my spirits up

1. Christina (she's a fighter)
2. Hank Moody
3. Chelsea Handler
4. David Spade
5. Kermit

Pee

Bon Jovi mash-up for my Jo

Your love is like good medicine
Good medicine is what I need
Shake it up, just like good medicine
There ain't no doctor that can
Cure my disease

I ain't got a fever got a permanent disease
And it'll take more than a doctor to prescribe a remedy
I got some money but it isn't what I need
Gonna take more than a shot to get this poison out of me
And I got all the symptoms count 'em 1,2,3

First you need
(That's what you get for falling in love)
Then you bleed
(You get a little but it's never enough)
And when you're on your knees
(That's what you get for falling in love)
And now this boy's addicted 'cos your kiss is the drug

Your love is like good medicine
Good medicine is what I need
Shake it up, just like good medicine
There ain't no doctor that can
Cure my disease

Good, good medicine

I don't need no needle
To be giving me a thrill
And I don't need no anesthesia
Or a nurse to bring a pill
I got a dirty down addiction
That doesn't leave a track
I got a jolt for your affection
Like a monkey on my back

There ain't no paramedic
Gonna save this heart attack

When you need
(That's what you get for falling in love)
Then you bleed
(You get a little but it's never enough)
And when you're on your knees
(That's what you get for falling in love)
Now this boy's addicted 'cos your kiss is the drug

Your love is like good medicine
Good medicine is what I need
Shake it up, just like good medicine
So let's play doctor, baby
Cure my disease

Good, good medicine (is what I want)
Good, good medicine (it's what I need)

(Solo)

I need a respirator 'cos I'm running out of breath
You're an all night generator wrapped in stockings and a dress
When you find your medicine you'll take what you can get
'Cos if there's something better baby well they haven't found it yet

Your love is like good medicine
Good medicine is what I need
Shake it up, just like good medicine
There ain't no doctor that can
Cure my disease

Your love is like good medicine
Good medicine is what I need
Shake it up, just like good medicine
Your love's the potion that
Can cure my disease

Good, good medicine
Good, good medicine

Sizing up my post-chemo look

I've been flicking through the current Chemotherapy Fashion Looks* catalogue the hospital sent me.

Have fallen in love with the Yul Brynner model. Very hot. Very male staunch.

Can't wait for the extreme makeover.

Pee

* I'm kidding, this catalogue doesn't exist - but it should.