"Magazines are in the bottom drawer."

So said the Fertility Centre assistant as she guided me through the process of sperm donation this afternoon.

She was lovely. But it was all very awkward. When she sent me to the 'room' to access my donation I asked if there was an informal speed record up for grabs? Off the record, like? She looked at me funny. I let it go.

Once inside the room I must admit I was surprised to find it was a lot like the suite I stay in at the Holiday Inn. Only way nicer.

A cool sofa. For sex, I guess. Some mood lighting. For sex, I guess.

I certainly wasn't going to need any of that.

However, I did decide to take a look at the 'magazines in the bottom drawer'. What did I find?

3 x copies of Penthouse Black Label (pretty average stuff)
1 x copy of Crusty Babes (not what it sounds like - these are extreme biker girls)
2 x copies of NZX (dirty Kiwi amateurs - lordy)
1 x copy of Mandate (um)
1 x copy of Playguy (err)

Needless to say I popped them back, closed my eyes and thought of the scene in 'Eight Mile' where Eminem and Brittany Murphy steam up the metal factory.

I was out in under 12 minutes.

With most of that taken up with washing my hands.

The assistant was most impressed.

Mind you, I saw an older man in the room before me, so the bar wasn't set that high.

Pee