Nowhere men

Everyone knows I'm a massive John Lennon fan.

In my mind he was one of the most remarkably creative, witty, sharp, curious, insightful and focused artists the world's known.

As a little tribute to his New York years, I struck a similar pose on my new Jack Morton business cards.

Pee

Sweep the leg and slide the fret

When I was learning guitar I devoured the 'Crossroads' movie and accompanying soundtrack.

One of the world's mightiest axemen, Steve Vai, had a starring role (as did his Charvel San Dimas guitar). It was great to air guitar along to Steve's pyrotechnic fingerwork, hoping that one day you'd be able to get at least one-thousandth as good.

As for Karate Kid, Ralph Macchio, who took the lead role, well he was even more motivational. He had never played guitar before he shot this flick, so clearly, with intensive training, anything was possible for a newbie strummer.

Check out this battle for proof of the goodness that this oft-overlooked cinema classic served up.

Pee

Femmes fatale

Everyone knows this album. It's arguably the Violent Femmes at their mightiest.

I've come to love this 'record' more over time, but in 1985 when the guys at school used to have it on high rotation in the prefect study I wasn't really such a fan.

Pretending to love 'Blister In The Sun' more than life itself, I was secretly a much bigger fan of Phil Collins, Duran Duran, Madonna, Spandau Ballet, Sting, Cyndi Lauper, Falco, Howard Jones and Simple Minds.

But it wasn't cool to say you liked that 'pop' stuff.

So I lapped up the Femmes, The The, Talk Talk and the Hoodoo Gurus (and all the indie stuff that the cool guys rocked).

Glad the 'peer pressure' tuned me in, though, 'cos these artists have given me so much joy in the years since.

That said, is there a better track than Simple Minds' 'Alive & Kicking'?

"Who is gonna come and turn the tide? What's it gonna take to make a dream survive?"

Pee

Michelle Johnson as your first dirty crush

That's her at left in the picture above, cooking in her underwear, while a young Demi Moore demurely covers up in an over-sized dress shirt alongside.

This still is taken from a 1984 rom-com (soft porn) flick called 'Blame It On Rio'.

It's largely famous for the fact that Michelle Johnson appeared ever-so-briefly in a full frontal shot (she was only 17 at the time).

I used to daydream about Michelle, what with her quirky, life-loving perkiness and her equally perky . . .

That's all. Thought I'd share.

Pee

Three confessions (a little late, though)

I was talking to a friend about bizarre things we did as children.

Things that were a little out of character and kinda unexplainable.

In a session much like Bender, Brian, Allison, Claire and Andrew held during The Breakfast Club, we shared oddities.

My top three:

1. My grandparents (Ma and Pa) gave me a cool remote control racing car when they returned from Norfolk Island and I took it to school, pulled it to pieces and sold off the parts
2. To avoid a class we didn't like, Tim Jones, Campbell Singer and I hid inside bright yellow school patrol jackets in the cloak room and had our teacher freak out in a 'missing children' panic
3. A classmate, Stephen Hands, had a Deputy Dawg TV annual I wanted so I stole it from him and scribbled his name out of the inside front cover and wrote my own one in its place (I have it in my pop culture collection to this day)

I have no explanation for why I did any of this.

None whatsoever.

Pee

It had my number on it

In the late 80s I worked in a hotel restaurant and given the number of hours I pulled down I managed to splash cash on the latest threads. And believe it or not, Wellington was one of the first places in the world to open a then-very-hot Benetton store.

Given my taste for breaking fashion, I picked up a Benetton blue and white rugby jersey for an outrageous sum (at right in the above picture and as made popular by John Taylor from Duran Duran).

It remains one of the most-loved items I've ever worn. Sadly, I lost it at a party in Raumati in the early Nineties.

I wonder if it's still in the back of somebody's closet?

Pee

Actually, I lied (see post below) . . .

Can't forget this classic from Matt, Luke and Craig (Bros. goodness).

Pee

I promise that this'll be the last Christmas tribute!

This one's on high rotation in every store in NYC (click for clip)

Pee

This one brings back many wicked memories

Do They Know It's Christmas? (click here for the video)

Pee

Happiness etc . . .

As part of some very cool Xmas presents my parents sent all the way from NZ (including a Billy T. James DVD collection and a colorful Kiwiana calendar) was a photocopy of a piece of prose I crafted way back on 14 March 1980 as part of a written expression exercise.

I've reproduced it here for your reading pleasure . . .

HAPPINESS

"Happiness is a warm feeling that flows through my body when I have done something that's nice to someone else, or I have been on the right side of things.

Happiness can make people feel on top of the world and free of all troubles.

Happiness can be caused by a number of things such as getting top marks in class, Christmas time, etc.

I like happiness, it is a nice emotion.

Happiness is a feeling that nearly everyone has at some stage.

Happiness to me is one of my favourite feelings because I can let myself all go free and have a good time.

Happiness can mean gay and happiness can mean feeling affectionate for someone else.

But happiness to me is having a family that cares."

To quote my teacher's assessment of said piece: "Very, very good. I liked your ideas. 18 points."

Yes, some deep feelings for an 11-year-old-boy to touch upon. And some clever use of repetition to make it easier to meet the '125' word assignment regulation (in particular, note the use of etc. hee hee).

The last line's my favourite. It IS indeed perfect to have a family that cares and that has contributed in every way to what, where and why I've become who I am today.

It would be even more perfect if we could all be together for the 'Christmas time' that I state brings so much happiness.

But they're here in spirit. And that's a very close second.

Pee

Thanks, Chuck

When I was at university (that's college as far as my new American friends are concerned), I looked more like the 14-year-old son of the resident English professor.

I was Wellington's own version of Doogie Howser M.D.

Needless to say, rather than hitting the clubs and bars with my taller, more hormonally-gifted friends I retreated somewhat into the world of VHS home rentals.

Those big screen on small screen treats allowed me access to a world where my size was no obstacle.

One of the brightest stars lighting up Hollywood at the time was the incomparable Chuck Norris. His action flicks were legendary. Here was an average-looking Caucasian taking on the world. And nailing shit to every available surface.

He kinda become a symbol of hope for me, giving me the confidence to front up to all sorts of shortcomings facing me in those formative post-college years.

Here's to ya, Col. James Braddock.

Pee

The girl and the serpent

I was in a store on Lexington Avenue, New York City last weekend and at the end of a row of pop culture clutter I spied a worn, curled-up photo that I can remember staring at morning after morning on my way to school.

It was probably 1982-83. The place? The newsagent at Rutherford House by the Wellington Railway Station. The said nude woman and accompanying snake hung deliciously in the main window, clearly put there to tease hundreds of passing pubescent private school boys.

I later found out that the 'girl' I had stared at every morning was Nastassja Kinski (a German-born, American-based model and actress). And that the photo was taken by the late Richard Avedon in 1981. The reptile sadly remains nameless.

Take a belated bow all three of you.

Pee

A curious memory . . .

Ben Volpeliere-Pierrot, Nick Thorpe, Julian Godfrey Brookhouse and Migi Drummond. The likely lads from Curiosity Killed The Cat. One of my all-time favorite bands from the late 80s.

For some reason I had a huge 'man crush' on lead singer, Ben (who I discovered many years later shagged the girlfriend of a guy I was working with - while the guy I knew was still dating the girl).

Anyways, I remember tripping all around Wellington, New Zealand circa 1988 trying to find Ben's trademark backwards fisherman cap, his blazer, and his crumpled chambray shirt. But I had little joy, having to make do with items that could possibly pass for the originals as long as I wore them in a dimly-lit pub.

Fortunately, I was the only one within my group of friends who'd even heard of Curiosity Killed The Cat, so they weren't going to judge me for the quality of my 'tribute costume'. Unfortunately, as I soon found out, they were going to judge me even more harshly for looking like an 'arty tool'.

Pee